Discredited

The fear of being discredited
Leads me to discredit myself
Evacuating my spirit
Into ghostly form
Without substance to call upon
To back up my claim
To worthwhile contribution
To human affairs
As all that I have endeavoured
To provide

Leaving me empty of pride
Yet filled in its place
With fiendish disgrace
Finding no place to hide
From guilt, shame and pain
A loss, not a gain
To this world in which I became

I flounder at sea
Looking all around me
For some source of salvation
To keep me afloat
Some fragment of wreckage
To which I can cling
To restore me to life
But no peace comes near
For fear of the fear

So, I have to ask
Where does this fear come from?
Was it something I said
Something I did
Or something I was told
When not very old?

Was it something deep within
Or something drilled in
To keep my self in order
Cut off from my wild side
By hard-line definition
Leaving me alone
Responsible
Creditable
Discreditable

If so, I know
It was a lie
Told to benefit
Some overarching Power
Outside of my self
That shirks its responsibility
For what happens to me

For, I know in my heart
There’s no way to part
What dwells within
From what dwells without
Each shaping the other
Like the river’s banks
And the river’s flow

So I have to say
To the powers that be
If something goes amiss
When you self-isolate me
Cross-examine yourselves
Before you find me guilty